30 Days of Blogging #2

Two post in one day! What?!?! Crazy, I know but I feel I need to make up for some sick time.

Before I get into the prompt I want to say a couple of off the wall things.  Am I the only one that wants to write it as 'bloggin' instead of 'blogging'?  I blame bloglovin.  Also, I honestly think I am insane.  Why do I ALWAYS get the urge to bake at 9:00 at night?!?! ALWAYS, I don't think I have ever baked before 5 pm.  Ok enough craziness.

Fear #1:  Guys, I know know-know-know this is going to sound crazy - like I need to be committed crazy but I swear it's a real fear of mine.  I don't remember when it started maybe in my teens.

I always had a dream that either something bad happened where I needed to call the cops or I was lost and tried to call someone I knew for directions or help.  I reach a phone and start to dial the number but I can never get them correct, even 911.  I will start with the first couple of numbers, mess up, then have to start again.  I start to hyperventilate and everyone is looking to me to save the day but I can't even dial a stupid phone. 

So you probably think that's only a dream but sometimes, especially at work, I will get in a hurry and dial a number wrong, my dream will pop in my head, and I will start breathing heavy.  Yes, I know the world won't end because I can't remember the number to the store in the next town but I just feel as if I can't get this simple number right then how will I handle a situation when I really need to call someone??  THANK GOD FOR CELL PHONES!  I store the easiest numbers in my phone so I can just one click and dial the right number. 

Fear #2:  My kid(s).  That's right, my own flesh and blood scares me.  I am scared that something will happen to my children and I honestly don't know how I will be able to handle it.  If they are seriously injured, I would think "Why wasn't I there?" or if I was around when it happened  "I did this to my kid. I couldn't protect him.'' and all kinds of crazy ideas.  If my child was to pass away, I wouldn't be able to breathe.  I literally live for my child.  I know this isn't completely healthy but my mom left when I was around 8 or so and I haven't seen her since.  I guess I have to overcompensate for her short comings. 

Fear #3:  Dying.  Not really what happens after.  I believe in Heaven and I 100% believe that's where I am going when I am done here.  But the actual act of dying.  Will it be a long battle with cancer?  {A girl I graduated with recently passed away from breast cancer.  She was my age.  Not even thirty yet.}  Will it be sudden like in a car wreck?  Will my last words to my family be loving and caring or in a hurry just a passing "see ya"?   I think about these things more as I get older.


Now that you see how crazy I am, I have some cake balls to make!